Theme

foxnewsofficial:

there was a lizard in the shower so i said hello to it and the person showering next to me was like “hi??” i wasn’t sure whether to carry on the conversation or be like sorry i was talking to a lizard 

monicalewinsky1996:

retr0philia:

yeah you called me cute, but like

did you mean cute as in puppy cute

or cute as in frick frack tickity tack take off your panties

I hope none of you ever get laid

tupacabra:

you’ve been hit by
you’ve been struck by
a smooth criminal

tupacabra:

you’ve been hit by

you’ve been struck by

a smooth criminal

burgrs:

how dare u ignore me after ive made 0 attempts at talking to u

lameborghini:

beyoncyay:

lameborghini:

does anyone else subconsciously give letters and numbers a gender like 4 is such a feminine number while 9 is definitely masculine am i right and then m is a girl of course while j is a boy you get me

you might have ordinal linguistic personification

mmm sounds like a fancy linguini pasta

obveously:

pizzatomb:

imagine if china, while they’re up on the moon, decides to knock down the US flag or whatever just to say ‘screw you’ and its like, what are we gonna do? spend a couple million just to fly some craft up to the moon and re-erect the flag? the whole scenario would be petty and that’s hilarious 

i have lived in america my entire life and i am 100% sure we would do exactly that

thisishangingrockcomics:

actual diary entry from when i was in 5th grade oh my god

thisishangingrockcomics:

actual diary entry from when i was in 5th grade oh my god

tranarchistbitch:

Very suspicious of people stealing his tail

tranarchistbitch:

Very suspicious of people stealing his tail

urbancatfitters:

dear professor i couldn’t finish my homework because life is pointless

unbeliefs:

me: i just did 5 squats why am i still fat

popularboyfriend:

wow i really like this song i think i’m gonna listen to it 1 maybe 60 more times